How to break a mother's heart, in nine words.

Bailey: "Mumma, nobody wants to be my friend at school."


*sigh* .... Some days, I hate the world.


For not seeing my beautiful, clever, quirky, cute girl for the asset she is.


For not understanding that with a little patience, and gentle instruction, she can be a loving and loyal friend.


For being so socially complex, that my princess becomes anxious and confused at the mere thought of having to try to fit in.


For leaving me with so few options available for me to help her.


And, on top of that - for being much the same, 20-odd years ago, when I was navigating the same sea of confusion.


It hurts SO much, to witness your child endure so much torment, at just three years old.

Spelling B

Cooper: "How do you spell 'better?'"
Me: "B-E-Double-T- E-R"
Bailey: "Like, 'Open your mouth'"

Bahahahaha!

A Very Aspie Easter

So the Bunny came, and left a large trail of eggs across the lounge room.


Kids were excited, ran in and checked out the stash at the end of the trail. Bailey proceeded to unwrap and nibble at all of her eggs.


Cooper, always the sensible one, decides to ration herself to just one tiny egg.


Cue hysteria and screaming - Bailey is NOT ok with the "line" being messed up.


(They're still sitting there, with only one being removed for Cooper to eat, after much coaxing...)

In typical fashion for our house - I have one child sprawled on the couch, guarding her "line", and the other drawing an elaborate picture of an Easter basket - complete with eggs, and bunny...


Happy Easter, everyone!

100 Things About Me

This was challenging - but should be good to reflect on down the track!

1. Above all else, I'm "Mummy"
2. I find it hard to ask for/accept help.
3. I'm the go-to-girl for all things computers.
4. I am the least-domesticated person I know.
5. I hate making my bed.
6. I prefer to bath, rather than shower.
7. I don't like my ears.
8. Fruit does not belong on pizza.
9. I'm a good cook.
10. I bake when I'm happy.
11. Songs often get stuck in my head for days.
12. I am a photo-addict.
13. I regularly stalk people on Facebook.
14. I never, ever download music illegally.
15. I love freshly-painted toenails.
16. I hug my pillow.
17. Sugar... Love it.
18. I once went for over 11 months without washing my hair.
19. I like the smell of air conditioning.
20. I hate dirty fingernails.
21. I can't choose a favourite colour.
22. Actually... I often have trouble making decisions.
23. I get very anxious if my phone isn't with me/charged.
24. I love naming children/pets/cars.
25. Mt Washmore/Foldmore is a landmark within our home.
26. Washing dishes isn't really my thing either, but I'm improving.
27. I don't drink coffee alone.
28. I hate sand.
29. Jenna Marbles is my Yoda.
30. My Mum is my best friend.
31. I really should wax my arms.
32. If I stand for more than half an hour or so, I start to pass out.
33. I love birthdays.
34. I don't usually like to watch movies more than once.
35. I have a terrible memory.
36. I've had the same email account for 13 years.
37. I have 3 tattoos.
38. I often pull my eyebrows out, without really thinking about it.
39. I hate creams and lotions.
40. My legs area ALWAYS itchy.
41. Once I lose interest in a task, I rarely continue with it.
42. I love to read.
43. I enjoy problem-solving.
44. I'd love to study, but doubt I have the sticktoitiveness.
45. I love the word sticktoitiveness, and wish that spellcheck didn't underline it.
46. I have a favourite spoon.
47. Teeth creep me out.
48. I love perfume that smells like lollies.
49. I'm Nanna's favourite.
50. I think accents are sexy.
51. I like to sing.
52. I can't dance.
53. I hate eating alone in public.
54. I hate confrontation.
55. I touch-type.
56. Sleeping on the couch is my guilty pleasure.
57. Sometimes when looking in a mirror, I forget to see myself.
58. I wish strawberries tasted as good as they look.
59. I love that my girls sneak into my bed most nights.
60. I'm highly strung.
61. I love fishing.
62. I hate makeup.
63. I sleep better on dark-coloured sheets.
64. I swear too much.
65. I love boxes, containers and storage in general.
66. I spend far too much time online.
67. A full pantry/fridge makes me happy.
68. Fairybread rocks my world.
69. I'm not known for returning things promptly after borrowing them.
70. Disney movies make me cry.
71. If I wear stockings, they make my feet smell like Doritos.
72. I rarely wear my hair down.
73. I'm a word nerd.
74. My car is usually full of junk.
75. I'm very fussy about separating colours when washing clothes.
76. I'm often tired.
77. I enjoy filling out paperwork.
78. I'm a reformed junk-mail addict.
79. I'm a water snob - will only drink mineral water.
80. I've never had a parking fine.
81. My first job was at a butcher.
82. I am the Google queen.
83. I hate being lied to.
84. I love all things home made.
85. I'd love to get married.
86. I played basketball for 6 years.
87. I have terrible posture.
88. Freshly mopped floors make me feel happy.
89. I like hospital food.
90. I hate crunchy towels.
91. I don't know what I'd do without baby wipes.
92. I don't dye my hair.
93. I'm quite impatient.
94. I hold a grudge.
95. I like most genres of music.
96. I talk too much when I'm nervous or excited.
97. I can be quite stingy.
98. I often forget to eat.
99. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
100. I over-analyse EVERYTHING.

If only we could all be a little more like Cooper

Cooper is my sweetheart - she's so caring, and considerate... and usually makes "good choices".


In the past few days she's been revelling in her own kindness, which is adorable but can be a bit over the top!


Like yesterday for instance.... sitting around with friends, and the topic of work comes up. Cooper announces that when she gets a job, she's not going to let the employer pay her - she doesn't want to take their money from them.


She also decided that she didn't want to buy anything from the snack bar at the local computer cafe, because she didn't want the man to have to restock the shelves. (I managed to convince her to have some Twisties...)

And the clincher - lining up for the toilet and another little girl walked in first. Cooper stands there with a pained expression (clearly busting!) and says "She pushed in front of me, but that's ok - I don't want her to have to wait"

So proud, but at the same time, a little concerned - I hope nobody takes advantage of her kind heart...

A different kind of normal.

Three months ago, I sat down in the psychologists office with my three year old daughter – she was displaying quite a number of “red flags” and this appointment was the first step in the journey to having her diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.

As we chatted away, Bailey crawled inside a pop-up tent. She wrapped herself in a soft fleece blanket (Bailey chose to wear her swimmers to this appointment – so the feel of the fabric on her bare skin must have been enjoyable!)

Natasha, the psychologist, took me into her office and handed me a copy of an article by Tony Attwood – “Discovering Aspie Criteria”. It put a positive spin on the current diagnostic criteria for Aspergers and was an interesting read. I appreciated this approach – after all, diagnosis or not this was still my daughter. The article drew attention to the positives of being neurologically different.

During our appointment, it was also suggested I get hold of a copy of “Aspergirls” by Rudy Simone. I flipped through Natasha’s copy, and decided to invest the $25-odd dollars on my own.

Within hours, I’d purchased and devoured this book – and the results of doing so have changed my life forever.

That day was a turning point in my life, for it was the day I discovered I have Aspergers Syndrome.

Page after page, I resonated with the words. The anecdotes were so familiar, it was as though they’d been written about my life. Everything from my preferences in clothing, to partners, to hobbies – all explained by two little letters – “AS”

Relief. The word itself doesn’t do the feeling justice. FINALLY, I felt as though I belonged.

For 26 years, I’ve struggled to relate and interact with my peers. I’ve had trouble understanding things that to others, seemed second nature.

I’d struggled with feeling overwhelmed – both by noise, smells, emotions and even physical contact.

Suddenly, it was like the missing piece of my puzzle fell into place. My struggles and confusion were validated, and I’d discovered that I was not alone, that there is nothing “wrong” with me, and that there is a reason for my feelings of inadequacy throughout my life.

On Monday, 2^nd April 2012 – Autism Awareness Day - I will again meet with Natasha. This time I will be there to receive my own diagnosis... not because I need confirmation, but because the rest of the world seems to.

In the past few months, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been told “oh, you can’t have Aspergers, you’re so normal!”

And you know what... they’re right! I am normal!

Being diagnosed with Aspergers won’t change who I am. It won’t suddenly render me any worse off (in fact, the opposite may be true!)

I’m just a different kind of normal :)

For Miss B

A little something I wrote for my daughter.

My name is Bailey, and I am almost FOUR!

I like singing, dancing, and playing with my pet rat, Smokey. (He loves to lick my cheeks –especially when I’ve been eating chocolate!)

I live with my Mummy, and my big sister, Cooper. Cooper loves to draw. I like to draw too – usually my pictures are all one colour, and sometimes I draw the same things over and over.

We look the same – everybody says we look just like our Daddy, but Mummy says my brain is different to Cooper’s. She says I have Aspergers.

Sometimes I have trouble understanding things.

Like why the kids at school follow me around, or sit so close when I’m playing.

Mummy says they want to be my friend. I am learning how to be their friend, too.

I can be very shy, and sometimes I have trouble finding the words to talk to people. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to, though... Once I get to know you, I do LOTS of talking!

Sometimes playtime can be a bit confusing. I might need someone to help me work out what to do next. Other times, I play with the babies – they like to do what I do, and I can teach them things.

Playtime can be very NOISY!

I can hear music, yelling, squealing, laughing, talking and toys that whizz and whir – all at once!

This hurts my ears, and makes me feel confused and scared.

Sometimes when this happens, I need to cover my ears or run away.

If I try very hard, I can pretend that things don’t upset me too much... but all the different noises, bright lights, funny smells, and different places I go, can get st uck inside my brain.

This really hurts - I don’t like it at all, and it makes me cry... a lot.

When this happens, I am the one who is noisy! If I can’t find the right words to talk about my feelings, I shout and scream and bang things.

My sister says this makes her feel scared. I don’t like scaring my sister, so I am learning how to make myself feel better.

I do this by chewing my special necklace, cuddling a soft toy, or hiding under a big heavy blanket.

My brain is different in other ways too – it can do things that make me feel really SMART!

I love doing puzzles, and using the computer. I can play games and draw pictures with the mouse. Sometimes when my brain needs a rest, playing a computer game can help me feel better.

My brain can remember lots of interesting things - sometimes I remind my Mummy about our adventures, and the people we have met.

I’m g ood at remembering numbers and letters too – I can write my name, and count to 20 all by myself!

Even though some things are harder for me to learn, there are LOTS of things I can do really well.

Mummy says she loves my "different" brain... she says it makes me who I am.

I think I do, too.