Six Years.

Six years..... gone in the blink of an eye.

Six years ago tonight, I was in the throes of labour, eagerly awaiting the arrival of my beautiful girl.

At 1:44am, Miss Cooper Mikyla was born - in that moment, I changed forever - for in that moment, I became "Mummy".

A full head of dark, soft hair... a squished little nose, ten fingers, ten toes

 - and a pout, oh that pout! 

I fell instantly in love with this beautiful girl. (Little did I know, she would be just as beautiful on the inside, as the outside....)

Over the last six years, I've had the pleasure of watching as Cooper has grown - from squishy bundle, 

to smiley baby, 

cheeky toddler,

 (Actually make that REALLY cheeky toddler!)

and now - the sweet-natured and absolutely beautiful girl that we all know and love.

It's rare that a day goes by without somebody taking the time to find me and compliment Cooper.... telling me of a sad child she has comforted, a thoughtful gesture, or just gushing at her sweetness (and fragility).

As a mother, nothing warms my heart more than to hear that Cooper is a well-loved (and highly-thought-of) child... but I'm afraid I can take little credit. That sweetness is intrinsic to her - it's nature, not nurture. I'm incredibly proud of this little girl - and feel SO blessed to have the gift of raising her.

To Cooper - who I'm certain will stumble upon this at some point in her life (that's what Google is for, yeah!?)... Thank you. You light up my world like nobody else (and yes, that's a "One Direction" reference, but so very apt!) and I am honoured to call you my daughter.

I love you, my beautiful girl,

Mummy xxxxxx

Random Ramblings... and a dishwasher named "Emily"

Been flat out in our neck of the woods!


The move is complete, my battles with Telstra are ongoing (whose aren't!?) and after a doozy of a meltdown in the REA's office - I have my bond back on the old house.


The girls are both loving the new house. I'm happy to have some places to put stuff.


We also now live near a park ;) 

We now have a dishwasher, named "Emily" (It's got "Emilia" stamped on it, I'm guessing it's the brand but overheard Cooper telling Bailey that 'she' has a name, haha)


In other exciting news - Bailey now has an awesome pod/egg/swing chair - just need to work out how/where to hang it! I entered a FB competition and thanks to a computer glitch, a group of awesome people, and the generosity of EQUATOR Homewares, B has somewhere to go to chill out!


We've also just started with an OT - B will have her initial appointment on Tuesday and I'm looking forward to working with her to (hopefully) get the monster on the road to a good start to school in 2013!


Cooper's showing signs of anxiety/depression, so off to the psych with her - can't blame her living with 2 quite unstable people! Poor kid is feeling quite awful and coming out with phrases such as "It feels like my whole family is dead" or "It's like everyone wants me to kill myself" ... for a generally-happy 5yo it's pretty concerning to be dealing with this stuff and I'm thinking it needs to be sorted out!

In more positive news! It's been birthday-central in these parts of late!


C&B were invited to a big sis/little sis party on Saturday, before heading to their Dad's place to celebrate his birthday...then back Sunday to celebrate MY birthday, before heading to Brissy with Daddy for another kiddy party. 


Add to that their own party on the 26th and you can imagine the excitement! B has requested a "rainbow party" and C wanted Katy Perry to come along (and um... do the face painting haha) 


Does anyone have any party-related hints, tips, or DIY info they'd like to share? I'm thinking I need all the help I can get! 

Putting it out there....

Laying here in bed, late on a Wednesday night - I've just posted the list of female Aspergers traits from Rudy Simone's "Aspergirls" on my FB wall - and the replies received made me wonder:

How often, if at all, do you think that Aspergers in women is actually misdiagnosed as PND?

Personally - I think AS is responsible for many of the issues I faced, which led to a PND diagnosis upon the birth of my girls.

Babies and children change our routine, they are demanding, noisy, require lots of touch and interaction. They often don't make sense and disturb thought processes or important things we are doing. They present us with many, many, many things that Aspies find challenging - yet we love them, so then comes the guilt.

Had I received my diagnosis pre-children, perhaps I'd have been a little kinder to myself when struggling immensely with all of the above. I know that already, a few months down the track, I'm beginning to change how I respond to my shortcomings - rather than wonder why I fail as a mother, I'm acknowledging that I can and will often respond differently to others, and that it's ok for things not to come naturally at times. I'm learning my limits and how to stay within them whilst meeting the needs of the girls.

Would be very interested to hear the opinions of others on this one!

Shopping Centre Showdown.... ASD Mumma Style!

Had my first "shopping centre showdown" today - 


After a big day out, I had to stop in at Coles to get something for dinner and B started to lose it.... screaming and stamping and starting to hyperventilate.


We exited with our pumpkin, potatoes and milk - not stopping to browse etc. Just a necessity shop.


An older man sitting on a bench outside the supermarket let out a loud "OH WOULD YOU SHUT HER UP!"


Well... he picked the wrong Mumma on the wrong day (it's been a doozy!) ... I politely (and loudly ;)) informed him that B has Autism, and that he should think twice before being so quick to make judgements in future.


I didn't hang around for a reply... I really didn't expect one though!


The loveliest American lady came past me afterwards and almost made me cry, with her kindess and understanding.


Way to cap off Autism Awareness Month - I'm hoping if nothing else, old mate will think twice in future before mouthing off ;)

Microwave Babies?

Mummy do we put babies in the microwave when we are making them? Or do we just mix them? What do we put in the bowl to make the babies? I want two girl babies, how do two girl babies get in the tummy? ... Bailey, age 3

While there's silence...

Crazy just doesn't do it justice!


This week has been..... challenging! After having a backyard full of police and forensics and detectives early last week (the people renting the granny-flat behind me were doing a spot of cooking...) I made the (very easy!) decision to move the heck out of my house.


So - this week has been filled with mountains of paperwork! Thankfully the "finding a house" part was easy.. but then there was the application, the letters to get out of my lease here, the signing of the lease at the new place, the bond loan application and finally - the changing-over/redirection of LOTS of stuff!


Oh, and on top of this - filling out all the paperwork for Centrelink and Autism Queensland to get the ball rolling for funding etc for Miss B!


Add in the whole packing/moving drama and it's been a tad chaotic! (So chaotic, in fact - I completely forgot about B's daycare photos - conveniently planned for 2 days this week that she does NOT attend care! Thanks to the school mum who reminded me! Oh, and it looked like a great shot!)


So - in light of this - I've not had a lot much else to share (I see I posted last week about B being sick, but actually have no recollection of doing so. I never claimed to have a functioning brain though ;)


On the upshot - the new house is gorgeous (check out this kitchen!!)

2 more sleeps! Woohoo!!


Oh, and excuse me if I'm doing this wrong, but have bluffed my way through joining the IBOT fun ;)

Miracle Recovery

B's been sick - I'm talking "can't keep water down, and vomiting green foamy stuff" sick.

Poor possum was miserable and I was worried about dehydration, so off to the GP we plodded.

Receptionist noticed us and sighed, "Oh you poor little darling".... (It was about now that I realised B was also sans-underpants.... oops, thankfully I had some in the car!)

Sat and waited for 10 minutes or so... in that time Cooper needed a drink, so she and Bailey helped themselves to some water from the cooler.


By the time we got into the GP's office, B was giggling, skipping, and being her usual defiant self.


She kept the water down, and was told off for stealing a handful of flyers on the way out of the centre.


I'm thinking divine intervention? Or a cruel joke... I had hoped for a nanna nap today, boo!

(Glad she's feeling better though :))

How to break a mother's heart, in nine words.

Bailey: "Mumma, nobody wants to be my friend at school."


*sigh* .... Some days, I hate the world.


For not seeing my beautiful, clever, quirky, cute girl for the asset she is.


For not understanding that with a little patience, and gentle instruction, she can be a loving and loyal friend.


For being so socially complex, that my princess becomes anxious and confused at the mere thought of having to try to fit in.


For leaving me with so few options available for me to help her.


And, on top of that - for being much the same, 20-odd years ago, when I was navigating the same sea of confusion.


It hurts SO much, to witness your child endure so much torment, at just three years old.

Spelling B

Cooper: "How do you spell 'better?'"
Me: "B-E-Double-T- E-R"
Bailey: "Like, 'Open your mouth'"

Bahahahaha!

A Very Aspie Easter

So the Bunny came, and left a large trail of eggs across the lounge room.


Kids were excited, ran in and checked out the stash at the end of the trail. Bailey proceeded to unwrap and nibble at all of her eggs.


Cooper, always the sensible one, decides to ration herself to just one tiny egg.


Cue hysteria and screaming - Bailey is NOT ok with the "line" being messed up.


(They're still sitting there, with only one being removed for Cooper to eat, after much coaxing...)

In typical fashion for our house - I have one child sprawled on the couch, guarding her "line", and the other drawing an elaborate picture of an Easter basket - complete with eggs, and bunny...


Happy Easter, everyone!

100 Things About Me

This was challenging - but should be good to reflect on down the track!

1. Above all else, I'm "Mummy"
2. I find it hard to ask for/accept help.
3. I'm the go-to-girl for all things computers.
4. I am the least-domesticated person I know.
5. I hate making my bed.
6. I prefer to bath, rather than shower.
7. I don't like my ears.
8. Fruit does not belong on pizza.
9. I'm a good cook.
10. I bake when I'm happy.
11. Songs often get stuck in my head for days.
12. I am a photo-addict.
13. I regularly stalk people on Facebook.
14. I never, ever download music illegally.
15. I love freshly-painted toenails.
16. I hug my pillow.
17. Sugar... Love it.
18. I once went for over 11 months without washing my hair.
19. I like the smell of air conditioning.
20. I hate dirty fingernails.
21. I can't choose a favourite colour.
22. Actually... I often have trouble making decisions.
23. I get very anxious if my phone isn't with me/charged.
24. I love naming children/pets/cars.
25. Mt Washmore/Foldmore is a landmark within our home.
26. Washing dishes isn't really my thing either, but I'm improving.
27. I don't drink coffee alone.
28. I hate sand.
29. Jenna Marbles is my Yoda.
30. My Mum is my best friend.
31. I really should wax my arms.
32. If I stand for more than half an hour or so, I start to pass out.
33. I love birthdays.
34. I don't usually like to watch movies more than once.
35. I have a terrible memory.
36. I've had the same email account for 13 years.
37. I have 3 tattoos.
38. I often pull my eyebrows out, without really thinking about it.
39. I hate creams and lotions.
40. My legs area ALWAYS itchy.
41. Once I lose interest in a task, I rarely continue with it.
42. I love to read.
43. I enjoy problem-solving.
44. I'd love to study, but doubt I have the sticktoitiveness.
45. I love the word sticktoitiveness, and wish that spellcheck didn't underline it.
46. I have a favourite spoon.
47. Teeth creep me out.
48. I love perfume that smells like lollies.
49. I'm Nanna's favourite.
50. I think accents are sexy.
51. I like to sing.
52. I can't dance.
53. I hate eating alone in public.
54. I hate confrontation.
55. I touch-type.
56. Sleeping on the couch is my guilty pleasure.
57. Sometimes when looking in a mirror, I forget to see myself.
58. I wish strawberries tasted as good as they look.
59. I love that my girls sneak into my bed most nights.
60. I'm highly strung.
61. I love fishing.
62. I hate makeup.
63. I sleep better on dark-coloured sheets.
64. I swear too much.
65. I love boxes, containers and storage in general.
66. I spend far too much time online.
67. A full pantry/fridge makes me happy.
68. Fairybread rocks my world.
69. I'm not known for returning things promptly after borrowing them.
70. Disney movies make me cry.
71. If I wear stockings, they make my feet smell like Doritos.
72. I rarely wear my hair down.
73. I'm a word nerd.
74. My car is usually full of junk.
75. I'm very fussy about separating colours when washing clothes.
76. I'm often tired.
77. I enjoy filling out paperwork.
78. I'm a reformed junk-mail addict.
79. I'm a water snob - will only drink mineral water.
80. I've never had a parking fine.
81. My first job was at a butcher.
82. I am the Google queen.
83. I hate being lied to.
84. I love all things home made.
85. I'd love to get married.
86. I played basketball for 6 years.
87. I have terrible posture.
88. Freshly mopped floors make me feel happy.
89. I like hospital food.
90. I hate crunchy towels.
91. I don't know what I'd do without baby wipes.
92. I don't dye my hair.
93. I'm quite impatient.
94. I hold a grudge.
95. I like most genres of music.
96. I talk too much when I'm nervous or excited.
97. I can be quite stingy.
98. I often forget to eat.
99. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
100. I over-analyse EVERYTHING.

If only we could all be a little more like Cooper

Cooper is my sweetheart - she's so caring, and considerate... and usually makes "good choices".


In the past few days she's been revelling in her own kindness, which is adorable but can be a bit over the top!


Like yesterday for instance.... sitting around with friends, and the topic of work comes up. Cooper announces that when she gets a job, she's not going to let the employer pay her - she doesn't want to take their money from them.


She also decided that she didn't want to buy anything from the snack bar at the local computer cafe, because she didn't want the man to have to restock the shelves. (I managed to convince her to have some Twisties...)

And the clincher - lining up for the toilet and another little girl walked in first. Cooper stands there with a pained expression (clearly busting!) and says "She pushed in front of me, but that's ok - I don't want her to have to wait"

So proud, but at the same time, a little concerned - I hope nobody takes advantage of her kind heart...

A different kind of normal.

Three months ago, I sat down in the psychologists office with my three year old daughter – she was displaying quite a number of “red flags” and this appointment was the first step in the journey to having her diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.

As we chatted away, Bailey crawled inside a pop-up tent. She wrapped herself in a soft fleece blanket (Bailey chose to wear her swimmers to this appointment – so the feel of the fabric on her bare skin must have been enjoyable!)

Natasha, the psychologist, took me into her office and handed me a copy of an article by Tony Attwood – “Discovering Aspie Criteria”. It put a positive spin on the current diagnostic criteria for Aspergers and was an interesting read. I appreciated this approach – after all, diagnosis or not this was still my daughter. The article drew attention to the positives of being neurologically different.

During our appointment, it was also suggested I get hold of a copy of “Aspergirls” by Rudy Simone. I flipped through Natasha’s copy, and decided to invest the $25-odd dollars on my own.

Within hours, I’d purchased and devoured this book – and the results of doing so have changed my life forever.

That day was a turning point in my life, for it was the day I discovered I have Aspergers Syndrome.

Page after page, I resonated with the words. The anecdotes were so familiar, it was as though they’d been written about my life. Everything from my preferences in clothing, to partners, to hobbies – all explained by two little letters – “AS”

Relief. The word itself doesn’t do the feeling justice. FINALLY, I felt as though I belonged.

For 26 years, I’ve struggled to relate and interact with my peers. I’ve had trouble understanding things that to others, seemed second nature.

I’d struggled with feeling overwhelmed – both by noise, smells, emotions and even physical contact.

Suddenly, it was like the missing piece of my puzzle fell into place. My struggles and confusion were validated, and I’d discovered that I was not alone, that there is nothing “wrong” with me, and that there is a reason for my feelings of inadequacy throughout my life.

On Monday, 2^nd April 2012 – Autism Awareness Day - I will again meet with Natasha. This time I will be there to receive my own diagnosis... not because I need confirmation, but because the rest of the world seems to.

In the past few months, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been told “oh, you can’t have Aspergers, you’re so normal!”

And you know what... they’re right! I am normal!

Being diagnosed with Aspergers won’t change who I am. It won’t suddenly render me any worse off (in fact, the opposite may be true!)

I’m just a different kind of normal :)

For Miss B

A little something I wrote for my daughter.

My name is Bailey, and I am almost FOUR!

I like singing, dancing, and playing with my pet rat, Smokey. (He loves to lick my cheeks –especially when I’ve been eating chocolate!)

I live with my Mummy, and my big sister, Cooper. Cooper loves to draw. I like to draw too – usually my pictures are all one colour, and sometimes I draw the same things over and over.

We look the same – everybody says we look just like our Daddy, but Mummy says my brain is different to Cooper’s. She says I have Aspergers.

Sometimes I have trouble understanding things.

Like why the kids at school follow me around, or sit so close when I’m playing.

Mummy says they want to be my friend. I am learning how to be their friend, too.

I can be very shy, and sometimes I have trouble finding the words to talk to people. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to, though... Once I get to know you, I do LOTS of talking!

Sometimes playtime can be a bit confusing. I might need someone to help me work out what to do next. Other times, I play with the babies – they like to do what I do, and I can teach them things.

Playtime can be very NOISY!

I can hear music, yelling, squealing, laughing, talking and toys that whizz and whir – all at once!

This hurts my ears, and makes me feel confused and scared.

Sometimes when this happens, I need to cover my ears or run away.

If I try very hard, I can pretend that things don’t upset me too much... but all the different noises, bright lights, funny smells, and different places I go, can get st uck inside my brain.

This really hurts - I don’t like it at all, and it makes me cry... a lot.

When this happens, I am the one who is noisy! If I can’t find the right words to talk about my feelings, I shout and scream and bang things.

My sister says this makes her feel scared. I don’t like scaring my sister, so I am learning how to make myself feel better.

I do this by chewing my special necklace, cuddling a soft toy, or hiding under a big heavy blanket.

My brain is different in other ways too – it can do things that make me feel really SMART!

I love doing puzzles, and using the computer. I can play games and draw pictures with the mouse. Sometimes when my brain needs a rest, playing a computer game can help me feel better.

My brain can remember lots of interesting things - sometimes I remind my Mummy about our adventures, and the people we have met.

I’m g ood at remembering numbers and letters too – I can write my name, and count to 20 all by myself!

Even though some things are harder for me to learn, there are LOTS of things I can do really well.

Mummy says she loves my "different" brain... she says it makes me who I am.

I think I do, too.

The Parenting Minefield

Here's a post I wrote for the Kleenex Mums "So You Think You Can Blog" Competition last year....

Hands up if being a parent is exactly as you imagined it would be?

Ok, so for those of you who raised a hand –you can now imagine me laughing out loud. No, not in a “LOL” sense… but quite literally, laughing.out.loud!

Why is that, you ask?

Because not only are you sitting in front of your computer with a hand in the air for no apparent reason, you’re also kidding yourself! (Well – either that, or you have the world’s most boring children!)

To those of you who (like me) not only kept those hands down, but quite possibly let out an audible sigh of “Oh HELL no!” This one’s for you!

So.. parenting… bit of a minefield huh? From the newborn who chooses the most inopportune moment to throw up an entire feed, to the 3 year old who can sneeze up the entire contents of their head, right onto your favourite dress (thanks Kleenex, by the way, – you’re a lifesaver!) – you never do quite know what to expect next!

Take for instance this afternoon. After a lovely visit with my parents where Miss 5 practiced her home reader, Miss 3 decided she’d give it a go too…. which was great, until she “read” a word that was most certainly not in the curriculum!

Shocked? Indeed. Able to stifle my giggles? Not so much.

I’m the first to admit that things get pretty crazy here from time to time. In fact, I often feel like I’m living in the movie “Home Alone” (the first one, not the dodgy sequels!) … Only they’re not alone – I’m here for the ride!

Everything from a miraculous recovery from the worlds words tummy ache (which happens to coincide with dessert being on the menu!) to the all-too-familiar game of “What’s all over the rug this morning?” (For those playing at home – rice was the order of the day!) Each day brings with it a whole new set of challenges….. and reasons to throw your hands in the air, praise Jeebus you have a Dyson, and just laugh at the hilarity of it all!

Sure, there are times I could (read: do) completely lose my rag and seriously consider listing the girls on eBay… but finding the entire contents of your refrigerator strewn across the back yard can have that effect on people. (And you know what… if the milk had been spared, I’m sure I’d have handled myself better! Everybody knows you don’t mess with Mummy’s morning coffee!)

On the whole though, I wouldn’t trade this gig for the world (sometimes I’d trade it for Vodka…. but it’s fleeting!)

As for all the hopes and dreams I had pre-children, I’m so glad that they were shattered (and possibly mashed into the rug – not too sure what that particular mark is!) – if life with kids was anything like I’d imagined, I’d be missing out.

Step One - Complete

So, I've gone and done it!


People have been telling me for years that I should write a book or something, to share the more amusing happenings from our house..... So this is the first step.


I'm hoping also to include some bits and pieces I find along the way - with my 3 year old recently being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, and a diagnosis in progress for myself, I have LOTS of knowledge to pass on!


In the meantime, I'll get cracking by sharing a few of my recent writings.... 


Hope you enjoy!