The Parenting Minefield

Here's a post I wrote for the Kleenex Mums "So You Think You Can Blog" Competition last year....

Hands up if being a parent is exactly as you imagined it would be?

Ok, so for those of you who raised a hand –you can now imagine me laughing out loud. No, not in a “LOL” sense… but quite literally, laughing.out.loud!

Why is that, you ask?

Because not only are you sitting in front of your computer with a hand in the air for no apparent reason, you’re also kidding yourself! (Well – either that, or you have the world’s most boring children!)

To those of you who (like me) not only kept those hands down, but quite possibly let out an audible sigh of “Oh HELL no!” This one’s for you!

So.. parenting… bit of a minefield huh? From the newborn who chooses the most inopportune moment to throw up an entire feed, to the 3 year old who can sneeze up the entire contents of their head, right onto your favourite dress (thanks Kleenex, by the way, – you’re a lifesaver!) – you never do quite know what to expect next!

Take for instance this afternoon. After a lovely visit with my parents where Miss 5 practiced her home reader, Miss 3 decided she’d give it a go too…. which was great, until she “read” a word that was most certainly not in the curriculum!

Shocked? Indeed. Able to stifle my giggles? Not so much.

I’m the first to admit that things get pretty crazy here from time to time. In fact, I often feel like I’m living in the movie “Home Alone” (the first one, not the dodgy sequels!) … Only they’re not alone – I’m here for the ride!

Everything from a miraculous recovery from the worlds words tummy ache (which happens to coincide with dessert being on the menu!) to the all-too-familiar game of “What’s all over the rug this morning?” (For those playing at home – rice was the order of the day!) Each day brings with it a whole new set of challenges….. and reasons to throw your hands in the air, praise Jeebus you have a Dyson, and just laugh at the hilarity of it all!

Sure, there are times I could (read: do) completely lose my rag and seriously consider listing the girls on eBay… but finding the entire contents of your refrigerator strewn across the back yard can have that effect on people. (And you know what… if the milk had been spared, I’m sure I’d have handled myself better! Everybody knows you don’t mess with Mummy’s morning coffee!)

On the whole though, I wouldn’t trade this gig for the world (sometimes I’d trade it for Vodka…. but it’s fleeting!)

As for all the hopes and dreams I had pre-children, I’m so glad that they were shattered (and possibly mashed into the rug – not too sure what that particular mark is!) – if life with kids was anything like I’d imagined, I’d be missing out.